We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize