There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
