I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
