Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
