god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
