Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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