I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
