you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
