i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
