i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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