his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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