Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
