i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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