no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Found the puke drawer
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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