We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
