brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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