i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
