True but thats because hes a fetus.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
How external is "for external use only"?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
