Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
