This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
