Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
