she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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