Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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