shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
