why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
