I cannot find my penis.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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