I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize