Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
