It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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