I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
