He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
