How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
