just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
you never un-have a 4some
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
