how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
