Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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