I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
