my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
