I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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