how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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