I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
