I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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