if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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