i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize