I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
