So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
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it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
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I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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