so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
