You're completely useless in the revolution.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
