if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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