And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
