She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
