Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
