I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
