We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
