I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
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what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
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Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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