I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
