and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Randomize
