2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
