New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I can't turn off my feet"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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