I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
