I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
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i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
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My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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