Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
