you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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