I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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