I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
