Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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