I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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