wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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