She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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