I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I am midnight drunk by noon
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
