I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
